I woke up yesterday feeling completely inadequate. I felt like no matter what I did, it was useless; I felt like I wasn't good enough. Those sorts of feelings are not usually something I deal with. I usually feel fairly confident in myself and my abilities. I'm not sure what triggered it. It could have been the fact that my sculpture wasn't finished when it should have been, it could have been that I've been seeing a lot of amazing artists lately, it could have been because I've been so exhausted and stressed lately...it could even have been because I'd failed miserably at dancing last night and made a fool of myself. Whatever it was, it completely threw me off my game. I woke up, felt like no matter what I did that day, I'd fail, and went back to sleep.
I missed my 8:30am sculpture class. I went to painting class, but only because I hate to disappoint Elisabeth Condon, my professor. I look up to her. She inspires me.
I spent the rest of the day moping about. I went to work...the dull, monotonous tasks helped me to feel a little more competent. I'm a pro at working that register (isn't that sad?). Sometimes I wonder if I'll always need that retail job...what if art isn't enough?
Today I feel a little better. I still don't want to finish my sculpture. I can't skip again tomorrow, though, so I'll have to turn it in in some form. I honestly think I'll just leave it unfinished. I'm completely unmotivated. I'm burnt out. I would like to just slack even more, but that won't help because I'll just feel guilty.
I've honestly been feeling pretty down lately. I'm exhausted of all energy for art. Discouraged, for sure. Ever wonder where your friends are? I'm feeling like that now. Lonely, definitely. I don't know where to go next. I don't know....
Sara,
ReplyDeleteFrom my past moments of inadequacy, and all the things that have happened to you recently, I would say thats probably what has you so down right now. Those are the days you want to give the world the middle finger, or at least I do, and go back to bed. I wish I had known what was going on in class, I was completely spaced out in there. I wish I had your energy, drive, excitement for your work, I'm not feeling that most of the time. Be proud of your accomplishments and what lies ahead.
I also need you to know I am a better writer than a talker (its a bad thing), but that I understand and care what you are going through. Hope we can hang out maybe after all this madness is due.
I definitely understand this feeling, although I have a fairly pessimistic viewpoint anyways. You need to know that you are an amazing person though, and your artwork is amazing too! Sometimes I sit there and look through your photography, or when I'm in class and I see your figure drawings, and I'm just so jealous. I try so hard but I'm never going to be where you are, especially with anatomy, shading, and portraits. It makes me so sad to hear that you feel unconfident in yourself at this time, because you really shouldn't be. You are meant to be doing what you're doing, and you WILL make it.
ReplyDeleteIn other news, Marcela and I didn't make it into the Centre gallery. :( Talk about feeling inadequate and bummed out. I'm trying not to let it bother me though. How did the show go that you had some of your artwork in?