Tuesday Recap

The day began with a ten minute snooze after my initial alarm, followed by a reluctant awakening and emergence from my warm covers. After my morning routine, I went to my 9:30am painting class and painted our TA wearing a costume of herself (it was made of felt, I think); it had this strange Muppet-meets-Chainsaw-Massacre look.

I was overcome with joy at discovering that my 2pm Contemporary Issues in Art class was canceled The entire day was mine! My friend Mark gave me a beautiful wood panel with 2 1/2 inch sides to paint on. Its large, though I don't know the actual dimensions. I think its larger than 30" x 40", which is my normal size for in-class paintings. I'm going to use the panel for my Paris exhibition submission (all the students that went to Paris this past summer with the School of Art get a show in late November). I'm going to paint some sort of cityscape...thing.

I spent most of the day at the BCM. Alberto and I went to Publix and bought some pizza rolls, some dessert, and some wart removal liquid. We're going to remove our warts together. I have two on my middle finger...right next to eachother...and they're still under the surface. They hurt and are annoying. So for the next few weeks I'll be burning off layers of skin with acid until they're gone! Hurrah.

I also worked on my movie project. It won't be done tomorrow. Oops.

My armpit is still swollen and painful. I kind of just feel fat on that side.

I decided to stick with my BFA.

I learned I can hold off on the Honors thesis until I do my art thesis a year from now. Excellent.

I talked to my mommy. <3

Alberto and I were drilled about our present status as friends, and that's always fun.

I am drinking cream soda from a glass bottle, and I feel vintage.

I've come to the realization that I hurt the people who love me most.

Waiting Part II

Today my swollen armpit and I are waiting in the doctor's office at school. The waiting room smells like poop, and there are twelve other sorry looking souls in here; I feel extremely healthy in comparison. I think I recognize two of them from Sarasota...its pretty weird when you go to college and in your "last" year, you think you recognize someone you probably haven't seen since elementary school...or those horrid days at the Boys and Girls Club.

Anywho, the smell is awful and I'm cowering in a corner because this place is a cesspool for germs. Nearly everyone is coughing, or has a puffy face, or is slumped halfway over in their chair. I coughed twice already...I haven't coughed in months, but I sit in this room for 10 minutes and I cough. I'm hoping its all in my head.

I have class at 11:50, but I have a feeling I'm going to miss it, or part of it. My professor will not be happy. I have a project due on Wednesday. Ugh, whyyyy? I will never take so many studio classes ever again. This has been motivation-suicide.

By the way, after talking with my academic adviser, I decided to stick with the BFA in studio art instead of switching to the BA. I would feel like a quitter if I didn't, and since I don't know what I want to do with my life, whats the hurry to get out of school? It's going to take me another year and a half, though, because I have no money; I can only take a couple classes at a time. Oh well...at least it won't be a year and a half of quite so much crazy as this semester.

Alright, I'm going to stop writing in case I get called soon. I doubt I will, but here's to wishful thinking.

I Give Up

Ok. I give up! I'll do it! I'll go to see the doctor!

That was just me letting my body know that it has won. Tomorrow I will be heading to the student health center to see a doctor because this morning I woke up with a swollen, painful armpit.

Yep. My armpit.



Let me provide you with some context so that you will understand why a swollen armpit is forcing me to go to the doctor. I've been getting fevers. They're usually low, except that one last night was pretty high, I think. I've gotten 4 or 5 in the last two weeks. That's weird, right? There are never any other symptoms...just the fever and the dizziness and fatigue that comes with it. I take a Motrin, it goes away, and stays gone for a few days. Also, my skin has been really sensitive. I don't know if anyone else experiences this, but when I have a fever, I get really sensitive skin. Anything that touches it feels like sandpaper. Well my skin has been nearly-constantly sensitive since I started getting these fevers.

A few days ago, my muscle by my right armpit started aching. I thought I must have strained it, though I couldn't recall how. Last night it hurt worse, though I figured it was just because of work. Well this morning I go to shave and notice that its all swollen compared to the other armpit, and it also hurts. Whaaat the heck? A swollen armpit? I've never heard of that.

First thing that pops into my mind:

Its cancer.

Second thing that pops into my mind:

Its not cancer, but if it was, that would be a horrible place to get it.


My armpit? REALLY? Is that normal? I mean, if everyone gets a swollen armpit from time to time, I'm totally cool with it. Yes, its kind of weird, and yes, the extra sweating (did I mention that I'm sweating a little more than usual from that underarm?) is pretty annoying, but if it happens to everyone, I'm down for a little armpit swelling.

If my body is just being complicated, I'm going to be pretty T.O.ed, make no mistake about it! I'm pretty baffled.

A Saturday in Need of Improvement

I woke up this morning feeling terribly groggy because I went to bed ridiculously late, then slept in till almost noon. I figured I would adjust eventually and went about my day as usual. I watched some of the USF vs PITT game, but it wasn't much of a battle...we were pretty much handing PITT the victory with smiles on our faces. "Yes, sir, please, cream us." Alberto came by for a little while. When he left I got ready and went to work.

I found out that USF lost 41 - 14. Absolutely disgraceful. I heard they took BJ Daniels out...if that's true, I feel pretty badly for him. Anyway, work went fine for awhile. When it was time for my break, I began to notice I was getting chills. By the time my break was over, I knew I had a fever. My head was heavy and hot and I was shivering and sweating at the same time.

I had some waves of nausea as the night went on as well. I knew I was going to throw up....it was like a sleeping dragon, ready to rise and attack me at any moment. Some how, I did not find myself in a moment of trauma while hovering over the toilet bowl. The nausea eventually went away, for which I am very grateful. Vomiting is one of the worst things I can think of. Eventually I went home early. I was kind of light headed and so hot that I could feel the heat rising out of my shirt and hitting me in the face.

Now I can barely keep my eyes open....I'm pretty sure I just need some rest. Goodnight world.

Waiting

A lot of life seems to be a lot of waiting.

Right now I'm waiting to see my academic adviser about my degree. I'm considering changing from a BFA in Art Studio to a BA in Art Studio. I will graduate next semester if I make the switch. If not, I'll be waiting here for at least another year, though probably longer because I can't afford to cram my semesters with classes. I'm tired of waiting to graduate...tired of saying, "I can finally get to work when I'm done with school." I have the opportunity to be done sooner, but I'm not sure if its the right choice for me.

The BFA requires a concentration in some art medium. I chose painting...I used to love painting, but this semester its just been a drag. I'm not sure what that means...is it a phase? It probably is; my moods and passions fluctuate more than I can keep up with. There is no reason I couldn't graduate with my BA and explore all sorts of mediums (I love photography and drawing, too).

And then there is the topic of grad school. I need to figure out what I want to get my Masters in. Painting, photography, drawing? What if I went back to creative writing? Education? Art therapy? I have no freaking clue. I need to spend the next year or so figuring out what I want. Its really hard to do that when my body, mind, and soul are stuck in painting classes.

Maybe I'm just trying to justify my desire to graduate earlier than expected. I have no idea. Getting my degree after four years instead of 5 or 6 would be really nice, I have to admit.

Terrifying, intimidating, and overwhelming, yes, all of those things. But nice. Really, really nice.

Starting Fresh

I'm going to try to update this blog more often. I've been needing an outlet lately for all the stress and consuming thoughts in my life. I used to find joy in blogging; knowing that I was sending my insignificant hopes and dreams out into the massive web of whatever the web is made of brought me a sense of hope and companionship. It was like having someone to talk at who wouldn't try to offer me advice when I didn't want it. Sometimes a girl just likes to vent.

So what is there to vent about today?

I'm hungry, and all I have is pasta. I am sick of pasta. I grew up eating pasta several days a week. I'm now in college and pasta is one of the only things I can afford. Changing the sauce doesn't help. It really doesn't. Under the clever disguise of tomato, butter and garlic, or alfredo is still the same pasta. Chewy (or disgustingly soggy if overcooked), flesh-colored, bowtie or elbow shaped pasta. Pasta also takes other forms to mask itself, like those salty Ramen noodles you get for 14 cents at the grocery store. Or Lo Mein...totally pasta.

Every time I eat it in its various forms, I get sleepy. I get loaded with carbs and feel like sleeping until I die, or at least until my landlord evicts me for not paying rent due to my prolonged slumber. My entire plans for the day get ruined because I'm so tired. I have to cancel everything. Don't mock me, I'm totally busy. You don't even know.

And its not just that I'm tired of pasta. I'm Italian...its like I'm expected to eat pasta every day of my life. Can you imagine that pressure? Any time someone hears I'm Italian, they're probably assuming I make amazing pasta. Its true, I make great pasta, but can't I be associated with something else? I'm half English-Irish, you know. Can't I make great potatoes, too? Or tea? Or crumpets or whatever those crumbly-buiscuity things are?


I'm hungry, so I'm going to go rummage through my cabinets for something edible, but its hopeless. In the end, all I'll find that's suitable is pasta...with Vodka sauce.